So Nate gave you the post surgery update and I of course have been swimming in thought about all of this since surgery. Some things I'd like to share. I want to tell you how therapeutic it is to get this all out and share it. I am a talker and it really helps a ton! Thanks for listening to me babble :-)
Of course I was a bit disappointed to learn that my lymph node was positive. I actually told people ahead of time that it was going to be negative, but optimism never hurt, right??!! It was one of the first things I asked and then of course I just changed the subject because I could see it wasn't an easy thing for the closest people in my life to tell me. My doc had gone home after a long day and I wasn't waking up too soon, so they were left to give me the news. I am not complaining about that one bit, all of my doctors and care have been fantastic! Like Nate said, we will know about the other lymph nodes she removed hopefully by Wednesday. We will also know whether or not to get a second opinion from an oncologist at a young women's breast cancer center to decide the best course of treatment. I really like the oncologist I am seeing but she said not to hesitate to get a second opinion. She really is wonderful. My brother actually has a contact at the Dana Farber Institute in Boston who has helped me a lot and has offered to help me get set up with a consultation there if I want to. So we are thinking and praying about all of that.
One of my wonderful friends Marni, sent me a little care package the night before surgery and when I woke up in the morning and opened it, there were several bible verses written out and laminated. This was so great, because of course I was a bit anxious that morning, the timing and verses were perfect. I brought them with me and read them after surgery the next morning and all of my anxiety went away. Especially now when there seems to be a little more of a challenge to the situation than we anticipated. I'd like to share some of the verses that are seeing me through and keeping me positive!
"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like Eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31
"...And we REJOICE in the hope of the glory of God. No only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance character, and character, hope." Romans 5:2-3
"Yet I call this to mind that therefor have HOPE: because of the Lords great LOVE we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3: 20-24
"And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Philipians 4:7
"Let us hold UNSWERVINGLY to the hope we profess, for He who has promised is FAITHFUL." Hebrews 10:23
"For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies." Psalm 57:10
"Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.: Psalm 31:24
So I guess what I am trying to get across is something that I have told others who have been suffering from different trials in life and need to take my own advice...you can't go on what you see, you have to go on what you know. I know God's word to be true, because it has been so real in prayer in circumstance throughout so many times in my life. I know God is GOOD and wants GOOD for me. I know He holds me in His hand and counts every tear. I know He is crazy about all of us! I know that it would be just as true even if the circumstances seem so much more extreme. I hold onto this hope even more in this situation! Although there is lymph node involvement it doesn't change the hope that I have in this situation because God doesn't change, and there is nothing that he can't change for good!
There has been so much evidence throughout this trial of God providing me with the best care, love, and joy. Emmalise (our 5 year old) is a big time worrier about all things medical. She heard me say surgery when I was on the phone with the doctor and she said "Surgery, Mommy who, me?" Without thinking I said "No honey, Mommy." Thinking that she would freak out she said "Oh, ok!" with great relief, so I thought that was pretty funny. A couple of weeks later before bed she asked why I was having surgery out of the blue, so I told her that something bad was growing inside of me that the doctors needed to take out and that was pretty much the end of it.
So for us this was pretty amazing...When Em first woke up the morning of surgery the first thing she said was "Mommy I am going to be praying for you today and that your surgery goes well." Then she promptly said "OK everyone, come over here, Mommy you sit in the chair and everyone else sit around her, we are going to pray!" "Dear Jesus, please take care of my Mommy today and heal her. Please make her as well as possible and help her to get better quickly! Amen!" It was no surprise that she wanted to pray, but the depth that she prayed and the way she executed the whole thing left us with our jaws on the floor! She normally would just avoid these stressful situations, which is understandable! We were all so proud of her. I looked at her and said "Em, no worries ok!" and she looked at me and said "No Mommy, no worries!" with complete confidence. I am glad that God used our girl to confirm the confidence that we need to have in this and in all other things in life. He used the one that we were worried about to expel of all our own anxieties!
We can't believe the amount of support we are receiving from friends and family. I feel so spoiled! I haven't for one moment worried about my kids. They are having a blast with their friends and Nana. My daughter was actually having a count down to surgery because she couldn't wait to sleep over with her friends that are like sisters (Grace and Morgan). Thanks to the Kingsley's for loving our kids like your own! Thanks to the Riedl's for taking Bubs too and your willingness to help us out! Thank you to all my beautiful and supportive friends from the Caz Mom's Club and MOPS for meals, care packages, encouragement, prayers, etc. The realization is that the tougher the trial the more I feel loved! We are totally encapsulated by this love that you are all sending to our family. Thanks for having the faith like a mustard seed that can move mountains!
Much Love and Blessings!!