This week I had one more hurdle to overcome in the diagnostic process. I had a CT Scan head to toe. I also had a bone scan. These scans are to check to see if there is any cancer anywhere else. Once again I was confident, and pretty much still am, that they are just making sure the cancer is gone. The office called today to tell me that two of my lymph nodes were slightly enlarged, one in my chest and one in my right armpit. The oncologist thinks that it is just from the surgery, but to be sure is going to do a PET Scan, which can find cancer anywhere in your body. I really am not nervous about it because I did have a little fluid on the right side, so I am thinking that it is just my lymphatic system trying to clear out, and since I had so many nodes removed it is harder for my body to do. My treatment is not starting tomorrow as originally planned. They want to do the PET Scan first just to know for sure what we are starting with. The good news is my bone scan was negative!!
Before I heard this news I had an appointment with my breast surgeon and I asked her given my specific diagnosis, etc. how much recurrence she saw. She said in 10 years...none! That was great to hear, especially before the other phone call. Which is another reason why I am not really worried. Still trusting in my divine physician!
Before my phone call when I was anticipating my first treatment tomorrow I was praying and just meditating on God's goodness and how much good he has brought out of this situation already. I am just so blessed to hear people say that God is inspiring them through this trial in my life. That is really all I could hope for and ask for, besides healing of course! God is so awesome, and it is so amazing to see Him at work. He works so beautifully in our lives, weaving the thread of joy, hope, peace, charity, and love between us all through the trials and joys we endure. We are so blessed and awestruck to be able to witness it and be a part of it.
As I was driving this morning I remembered back a few months ago to a night that I was praying and talking with the kids at bedtime. They had been having nightmares and were afraid to go to sleep. We had just started homeschooling and our memory verse was "Keep me as the apple of your eye, Lord. Hide me in the shadow of your wings." Ironic, that just a month later all this would start. Not, ironic, really it is God's timing. He used that verse in our lives to prime us. Anyway, I reminded the kids of that verse and then I felt the Holy Spirit lead me to think of this analogy to share with them. I told them...
"God never lets go of you. No matter how afraid you are or how real those dreams are, God has you and you are way too important to Him to let go of. You know when you are holding Mommy's hand and you slip and fall and I pull you back up? That is what God dooes with us. He is always holding our hands and when we slip or fall he says:
"Whoopsie, I got ya, are you OK? I love you and won't let you go." "
It is funny that while I was driving, that night came back to me. It is neat that God uses the words to inspire you later in your own situations. On a side note, they never have nightmares when we remember to pray at night and ask God to protect their dreams. That is such a great testimony to them that God loves them so much he protects their dreams and night, and not only that, they wake up having had the most amazingly fun dreams! I can just see our heavenly father looking down in delight, glad that we asked for help and delighting in giving them their sweet dreams.
I really think that all helped the kids to deal with this. They really aren't afraid. Actually, they are pretty excited that I might be bald soon :-) Em and Seamus can't wait to cut my hair! They also can't wait to take care of me. Em is already doting on me, telling me to sit down and let her do everything! She is also glad to volunteer Grandma as well ;-)
I will keep you posted as soon as I hear anything else. The new schedule is PET Scan Thursday morning, First chemo treatment Friday morning, and Neulasta shot (for blood cells) Sunday morning. I will be following that schedule pretty much for the next 18 weeks, but going in the off two weeks for my Herceptin shot (the targeted therapy that isn't bad on your body). Once again, thanks for your thoughts and prayers and for continuing to hope with me!
I forgot to tell everyone that my friends at MOPS got me a sign that says "Git R' Done!" Which I love! It is definitely going to motivate me and make me laugh throughout treatment! So when you hear someone say that, think of everyone out their battling cancer, and send a prayer up for them and a prayer that we'll find a cure soon!